Hear Ye! Hear Ye!(1)
As we approach one of the traditional holiday dates(2) it once
again behooves us (our usual seasonal wont) to wish All & Sundry(3)(4)
among the various recipients of this seasonal festive electrical-mail
message the following(5):
a) It is our desire to wish each and every(6) recipient of this
seasonal message the most overwhelmingly happy and merry <substitute
holiday or festival of recipient's choice>(7)
b) As our usual North/South American/European/et al calendar sees
"The old year" (MMVI) about to be replaced by "the new year" (MMVII),
it is also our desire to wish each and every(6) recipient as defined
in Sec. "a" above the happiest and most joyous progression of the
events of life during the upcoming annum(8).
c) We also wish to recommend to the above parties(9) that they partake,
particularly to-morrow and on the evening of the date defined per above
as "December 31," in the vigorous consumption of beverages containing
ethanol(10) to the extent they see fit, and think of us whilst doing so.
Other recreational substance shall be consumed as the applicable parties
shall see fit.
d) In closing, we wish to suggest to the above-defined parties that they
celebrate the desired event(s) as often advised: "Eat, drink and make
e) Oh, yes...pet your cat! If you don't have a cat, borrow one (or
beg, or steal...)
(1) Also see "Yo!," "Hey You!, usw.
(2) See under "Christmas," "Hanukkah," "Kwanzaa" and/or "The
133rd Annual Dogs Nest & District Horse Puckey Hurling Competition
& Winter Festival"(2a)
(2a) Subject to postponement if the weather remains above the
(3) Or anyone not included in those groups
(4) Excepting a few %^^$%%^#$#!'s who know dommed well who they are...
(5) Subject to federal, provincial, state, municipal or county laws,
regulations, by-laws, rules, policies and/or all applicable copyright
legislation, as well as any personal religious or secular concerns...
(6) See above limitations.
(7) Or to wish that the aforesaid event, should it have already occured,
met with the described criteria.
(8) Or, for those not using the aforesaid calendar, the period beginning
on January 1 as defined in the above-described calendar to December 31
(9) Assuming they so desire, and are not restricted by reason of personal
desires, religious strictures and/or medical considerations.
(10) Note that Section "c" refers specifically to C2H5OH, and is NOT to
be interpreted as recommending the consumption of methanol, ethelyne
glycol, isopropyl or any other substance(s) chemically defined as
(11) "And Mary got up and went home" -- Thomas "Fats Waller
Signed and sealed upon this date of the 24th of December, 2006 A.D. at
Skae's Corners, Ont'o, The Dominion Of Canada
Y'r Ob'd't S'r'v't
Steven C. Barr