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From: "Bridgette A. Harmon" <[log in to unmask]>
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Subject: Words from Wise Women that you will appreciate -Forwarded
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Subject: Words from Wise Women that you will appreciate
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Words from Wise Women that you will appreciate!

I'm not offended by all the dumb blond jokes because I know I'm not
dumb...and I also know that I'm not blond.  - Dolly Parton

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see
 a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong

I want to have children, but my friends scare me.  One of my friends
told me she was in labor for 36 hours.  I don't even want to do
anything that feels GOOD for 36 hours. - Rita Rudner

I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I've done
my  job. -Roseanne

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child.  We
can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. - Rita Rudner

This guy says, "I'm perfect for you, 'cause I'm a cross between a
macho and a sensitive man." I said, "Oh, a gay trucker?" - Judy

I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. - Wendy

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -

I would love to speak a foreign language, but I can't.  So I grew
hair under my arms instead. - Sue Kolinsky

I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next
door to an amusement park. - Dolly Parton

I found out why cats drink out of the toilet.  My mother told me
it's  because it's cold in there.  And I'm like: How did my mother know
THAT? - Wendy Liebman

I think -- therefore I'm single. - Lizz Winstead

"Any girl can be glamourous.  All you have to do is stand still and
 look stupid." --- Hedy Lamarr

"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men
another country." --- Elayne Boosler

"I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch."--- Gilda

"Behind every successful man is a surprised woman."--- Maryon

"Our struggle today is not to have a female Einstein get appointed
as an assistant professor.  It is for a woman schlemiel to get as
quickly promoted as a male schlemiel." --- Bella Abzug

"In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want
anything done, ask a woman." --- Margaret Thatcher

"If I were going to convert to any religion I would probably choose
 Catholicism because it at least has female saints and the Virgin
 Mary." ---  Margaret Atwood

"I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage
and a career." --- Gloria Steinem

"Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry." --- Gloria

Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other.  Perhaps
they should live next door and just visit now and then." ---
Katharine Hepburn

"I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at
home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog
growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat

comes home late at night."--- Marie Corelli

"Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths." -- Baroness Edith

"If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties?
How  intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around
your neck?"--- Linda Ellerbee

"I am a marvelous housekeeper.  Every time I leave a man I keep his
house." --- Zsa Zsa Gabor